75 posts from 2007

My tooth now hurts more than my back or hip. I wonder if I can pull out myself? I'll have to review that movie 'Castaway' to check out Tom Hank's technique.

Dane is here to cheer me up. She is bothered by the wind rattling the windows. She barks at the wind but it comforts me. She looks out the window and whines. Then she looks me with big sad eyes as if to say "Where are my friends?" Then she puts her big head in my lap or forces her head under my arm while I am typing to say "Hey pet me over here...pay attention to me" She is such a love hog. I think having her around helps me cope with pain and other things that are going on right now.

This week has been really hard on me. Some people in my life have been very disappointing this week. Other people have been critical. The problem is that I am my worst critic.

I'm working on all of the physical and mental things. It's the hardest work I've done in a long time. I want things to be the way they were but I know that's not going to happen. I need to make peace with the things I can do something about and let the rest go. Letting go is always the worst.

Throughout this whole thing people have been concerned because I don't have a boyfriend, spouse or partner. I am not sure if I had someone it would have helped. I tend to pick people who can't take care of themselves let alone someone else who has significant medical issues. I don't trust my judgment in that area at all. Five years ago I could have told you exactly what I wanted in my personal life. Now I am starting over and I have no clue what I want or need in that area. I have put it on permanent vacation because everything else in my life seems to need attention.

I never felt a lack of love at any time during my illness or injury. I felt alone and frustrated at times but my friends always helped me through those days. Even on the nights when I was in the darkest most alone place I realized that if I had to I could call someone to help me if I really needed it. I think I finally understood that it's okay to just to be, if that makes any sense.

Someday I might want someone again but all of the things that go along with that take time, emotion, energy, and care. Right now I need my heart and soul to be free so I can figure out what's next for me and my damaged body. Somedays, like today I feel like as hard as I try I might not be able to fix what's wrong with me. Mentally or physically. That's alot to process. It's enormous to think about it. Then on top it I have the annoying dental pain as well as my the damaged nerves in my hip pain. I keep wondering how well I can continue to rise above all this pain.

Sometimes I just dump the physical pain and take a few minutes to think about my mental pain. Most of the mental pain I have is about loss. It's normal for a woman my age to feel a bit sad about the loss of looks, to maybe feel sad because I don't have someone, or to feel sad because I'm not as successful as I should be at this age. This is all within a normal range of thinking. On top of all that I feel sad because I may never be able to do certain physical things again, like sit Indian style or do a child pose in yoga, or ski, or rock climb. I may not be able to cut my toenails without assistance or ride my bike without feeling pain because of the way I have to keep my posture.

I will always have to be aware of my body because I have two 18 inch rods and a whole bunch of screws in my back. My body is something I didn't really have to think about before. It did what I wanted it to do without much thought. I didn't take great care of it. I wish I had loved myself more so I would have treated my body better.
 
Now even if I spend alot of time on my physical appearance there is no way I am ever going to be able to do something like wear a bathing suit again without feeling incredibly ugly. This bothers me because I am a vain person. Wish I wasn't so shallow. I wish I were stronger. Wish I wasn't such a emotional wimp.

Mental and Physical Therapy

There are things happening in my life this week that have been quite the work out for my heart and soul. All I can say is 'ouch', and please wake me up when December ends. Say a pray or think a good thought.  My son and I need them to get my family out of the mess I got us into through some ineffective decision making.

All I can say is thank goodness for my friends. They are truly a miracle on any day of the year. They make me laugh and realize I can do this. Or if I can't do myself then I don't have to do it alone.

Every Christmas someone, or something that has happened that I term 'the holiday miracle'. It can be as simple as a friend calling me to tell me that their car started on a really cold day, to a friend giving me the perfect pair of earrings, to someone just smiling and being kind to me, it's always something unexpected and it's always something that I remember. This year I have to think it was the miracle of love of my friends that got me through my rough times with the surgeries and hospitalizations. When I was lonely or scared there were so many people and so many things that helped me through. I am so grateful for that. So thanks to everyone...including Eddie, Ruth, Tegan, Lisa,  Bonnie, Dan,  Janet G, Bob and Edith, Janet S., Joyce and Suzanne,  Russ and Charlene, JV and Linn, Catherine, Jeff and Kim, Bryan and Shelly, The Hammers,   my sister , my brother and  my bro in law. Even all my devoted Facebook correspondents who tried to keep entertained with funny things.  All of these people really helped me in many ways to survive this thing. It makes me feel like I am letting them down because I am sort of wussing out during my physical therapy.

I started physical therapy without my big white candy coated shell. The physical therapy can be fun but right now it's painful. There are so many muscles and nerves that have to be worked on so I can learn how to do things by having very flexible leg muscles because my back isn't going to curve or flex. I wish the neuro doc had started my physical therapy earlier because I will still have at least six weeks left when I start school.

 
I like that physical therapy makes me walk for at least 30 minutes and then I do stretches and strength training for my hip. The left hip is still swollen and will remain that way for awhile longer. This injury has left me with some odd fat distribution. I have these weird pads of fat on my back and then I have swelling on my left hip.

My favorite jeans are tight around my left hip and they look weird and pulled. I need to keep working on my weight by exercising within limits and having someone spot check my nutrition.

 I think if I kept a food diary and had to be accountable I would stop doing things like ate six peppermint pattie mini mints, ate 8 oz of peppermint ice cream with chocolate sauce, had two beers, giant block of cheese, bowl of cheerios.....did you see a pattern here? There probably isn't any iron or protein in any of that food. It was all emotional eating. Or should I say reactionary eating.  The aftermath of the ineffective decision making is what made me eat the ice cream even though my back tooth hurts like an SOB because it must be root canalled.

My hip aches and burns when I am done with physical therapy. I usually try to walk an additional 30 minutes if I can stand it afterwards. I am going to ask the therapist if she will let me use the treadmill at the therapy place so I don't have to go back up to the Rec. I think that will save some time. I try to ice my hip at home. Sometimes that helps and sometimes it doesn't. My muscles also spazz out more because I am using them. My ab muscles hurt and then spasm because I have to use them to stand up straight with no brace. It's hard to deal with this without a muscle relaxant. I am such a big baby. You'd think I could be all tough and do this with just ice and ibuprofen but it's gotten more difficult. I spent some time in the shower tonight dealing with the kinks in my back and hip.

I want to be able to have the stamina to teach. I want to be able to walk around without my brace by the time school starts again. In order to do this I have to work now. I have to work hard and keep my goal in mind.  

 
Why do I have to be this fragile? Why can't I be tough in my mind? How did I get so weak? What happened to me? I have to get better. I have to get to the new normal as quick as I can. I have to honor the miracle of friendship and love that so many people shared with me this year.

RIP Dan Fogelberg

I will start this by saying I wish I could write as intelligently about music as my friend Daniel Kruse. I can't but I have a need to write about this particular artist today.

My musical preferences can only be described as somewhat eclectic or if you are feeling unkind,  bipolar. This is what happens when parents who have a bit of a hippie slant in their musical tastes raise a child who was a teenager during the eighties.

Depending on my mood I can listen to hours of  Scandinavian death metal bands, or hair bands, or arias sung by Croatian Opera singers.  I will give anything a listen. The only music that I can't deal with for long periods of time is jazz. Jazz confuses my soul. I think it's too much like what the inside of my heart would sound like. I think that's why I don't like it.

My current musical interests seemed to be bands like the Foo Fighters, Rilo Kiley, or The Weepies. I also keep an eye on all of those whiny ones in their twenties who are so very emo and drunk at a young age.  I like the sort of socially conscious bands with their rattley guitar sounds. I like the trance/dance/easy listening for middle aged hipsters stuff by Air.

 But before any of the faux poet emo boys that are the current rage in pop music there was the singer/song writer. This was a popular category of music in the 80's. You could slot Jackson Brown in there, as well, as Loggins and Messina but my favorite was always Dan Fogelberg. He looked like a poetry man from the romantic period and he was a great guitar player.

He died this weekend after a diagnosis of prostate cancer 3 years ago.  I was sad to hear this because he was fairly young and was intending on doing a tour after the successful treatment of his cancer but that didn't happen.

Fogelberg specialized in story songs much like Harry Chapin or Jim Croce before him. One of his biggest hits was "Same Old Lang Syne" which chronicled a woman bumping into an old guitar playing lover who has made the big time during the holiday season. The woman in the song chose the 'safe' boyfriend option because she didn't think the guitar playing guy was going to work with her lifestyle or her expectations at the time.

"She said she'd married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie"

Many women I know can relate to those lines. It's a shame really. A beautiful sad song. Fogelberg seemed to write alot of sad songs about difficult relationships, women with no souls, and men with tender hearts even though he says he was a very happy person.  There are many songs that describe the loss of love and the hurt of being lost within your own soul.

I think his happiness shows up in his later work and one of his top 40 hits, "Longer'. Depending on how much Boone's Farm I have consumed I still think that is one of my top five favorite love songs of all time.
 
Longer

Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens
I've been in love with you
Stronger than any mountain cathedral
Truer than any tree ever grew
Deeper than any forest primeval
I am in love with you

I'll bring fire in the winters
You'll send showers in the springs
We'll fly through the falls and summers
With love on our wings

Through the years as the fire starts to mellow
Burning lines in the book of our lives
Though the binding cracks and the pages start to yellow
I'll be in love with you
I'll be in love with you

As I left my teens I sang this next song over and over because I had it on a cassette that I made for Sony Walkman which was the '80's equivalent of an ipod.  I think this song sort of distilled my feelings about relationships at the time.

 
Promises Made

Promises made and promises broken
Measures of our demise
Secrets of souls that rarely get spoken
Pleasure's a thin disguise
Dozens of ways and dozens of reasons
Shielding our hearts from pain
Riddles of romance
That distance may yet explain
Certain of nothing
So fearful of love
Nobody seems to show you enough
Over and over the scenes are replayed
And once again those promises made
Feeling forsaken, broken in two
How did this ever happen to you
Taken for granted, bruised and betrayed
Lonely survivors these promises made
Dozens of ways and dozens of reasons
Shielding our hearts from pain
Riddles of romance
That distance may yet explain
Certain of nothing
You're so damn fearful of love
Nobody seems to show you enough
Over and over the scenes are replayed
And once again those promises made
Those promises made

I find it strange that I can still relate to this song after all these years.  It just shows you how sometimes people don't really move on from their emotionally immature years. Or how they repeat emotional patterns throughout their lives.

Yeah....Dan Fogelberg, the music I haven't grown out of.  It I were a wise person I would say I grew into it.

Health Update

 It's been six months since I broke my back. Five months since the last surgery to fix my back. Its two months since the end of the radiation treatments.

So....the neurologist appointment.....

 The neurologist ordered physical therapy for ten weeks to increase my core strength so I can 'wean' myself out of my brace! He told me to wear it while traveling, driving, and when I have to sit for a long period of time so it reminds me to sit up straight. He would like to see me out of it by March so this is exciting stuff. It's also sort of scary because it hurts to sit without the brace on and there are no more good drugs to fall back on. I can take massive doses of ibuprofen and maybe some tramadol,  but no narcotics. I will remain on the very expensive medication for nerves that causes my legs to swell but I can cut down on it. I will also remain on a small dose of Cymbalta to help the nerve med work the right way.

I have been decreasing the time I wear the brace each day. I usually try to do something standing up and then something seated where I can retain good posture. It's been okay but it does feel weird without the brace.

I was told that the pain in my hip that comes from the nerves will eventual ease up as I stop using the brace. I'm not sure about that but I have to admit that my hip hasn't ached as consistently since I have tried to not use my brace while seating while watching TV in the last 48 hours.

 I'll have to get one of those exercise balls and try to use that for an office chair.  That's supposed to help increase core strength and help with my posture.

 I was tested for protein in my blood which would indicate a return of the cancer. I have to go back for some additional testing but I am stalling until January.  I'm sort of tired of doctors and consistently managing my health. I need a little two week vacation from this. The oncology team thought this wasn't a bad idea but ordered a 24 hour urine test anyways. So I'll be doing that this week and we'll see what the gamma levels are and go from there.

If they are high I can do more treatment and go from there.  I have oncology appointments during the first week of school but they are in the late afternoon so I shouldn't miss anything at work.

We'll see how I do. I am not looking forward to physical therapy, cancer treatment and work but I'm not there yet. I just need to keep thinking good thoughts.

 
Besides all of this stuff....I have to get a root canal. I have a nasty infection on the root of one of my back molars. That's part of what has been keeping me up at night.

 Work stuff

 I got very angry and frustrated last week at work. It's a variation on a theme. In the new year I am determined to leave the martyr attitude behind and work on a pro-active response to challenges. It's time to take a different approach with the parts of my job I don't enjoy.

I am preparing my stuff for next semester. I try to do a little bit each day.  I need to hit this one out of the park for the students. I need to do well because I know I am a good teacher and I enjoy that part of my job.

Otherwise I have read some good books and I am watching episodes of "The Office" which I had never consumed before. One of the books has some characters in it that broke my heart. Maybe I'll write a review. 

I'm going to a wedding this week so that should be wonderful. I think winter weddings are sort of romantic. And you know I'm not that way.

I'm going to visit my sister and my family for Christmas for the first time since I am not sure. The last clear Christmas Holiday I remember spending in Connecticut was in 2000 before my mom died. Now I know I have been there for the Holidays since then but I can't remember it very well. Maybe 2003 before I got the house? I am not sure on this one.

One last thing....my roommate is back since they don't let you live in the dorm over vacations. It's been pleasant so far but I made him leave the really good speakers for his computer in his room. I think that was wise.

I am still struggling with some pain in my hip. Sometimes my back hurts since it got colder so that might be because of the metal in my back but I am not sure about that. I wish I had better pain control at night. I don't know why it's so bad at night. I don't sleep on that hip. Or I try not to.

I am still struggling with sleeping. .I thought I had it made last night. I went to bed before 2am but still managed to sleep to a very late hour I will not record here. Let's just say by the time I got up I was still sleepy and wanted to lie down again. I was suppose to go to the President's Concert thing at school but I looked at the snow and thought why bother? It's warm in here and cold out there.  I am sort of sleepy now. I wonder if I could lie down and go to sleep now? it's a fairly civilized hour. It's not even bar time.

I am still struggling with medical issues.  I have no idea what the neurologist will say on Thursday. I was supposed to go last Thursday but the weather was less than ideal for someone who isn't all that mobile for driving through the no man's land with no cell service for half the drive by herself. Maybe I can get someone to go with me or maybe the weather will be better. I also have more cancer related appointments in January that sort of conflict with my classes so I will have to just figure it out.

I am also struggling with the weather. I hate not being able to shovel. Not that I liked it that much in the first place. I did a little shuffling of snow today to see if I could justify calling the plow guy but I think I'll wait and see cause I have 4 wheel drive. I'll just make sure the truck is warmed up when I have to bust through the wall at the end of the driveway caused by the town's plow trucks. I just wish my kid would come home and shovel. I don't want to wreck the healing my back has done with snow shoveling. If I hurt my back it should be because I went surfing or snow boarding not shoveling.

This semester is all over but the shouting and the next semester is on it's way. We'll have to see how I do. I just hope I have the strength to go back to school and do physical therapy at the same time. I am also going to have to walk more. I want to lose some weight.

The Omaha World Herald Has Server Problems!?

I wasn't the only one to notice that the Omaha World Herald was useless most of yesterday and today. Editor and Publisher made note of it as well as the Lost Remote Blog. I haven't been reading the OWH online since their redesign. By redesign, I mean where they decided to take almost all of the news content off the site as well as the editorial pages and replace it with annoying ads, restaurant and golf course guides. When I need news I have been going to the Lincoln Journal Star or if that's too slow, I will usually go to KETV.com.

It's been a sad day here in Nebraska that has been filled with sorrow and snow. There have been some students affected by the mall shooting and I am praying for their families. I am not sure what else someone can do at a time like this. The former students who I had thought were working at the mall weren't but some other ones were. I am somewhat happy they are all safe but I keep thinking what could have been done differently to help this person. I also want to know where they are getting quotes from his blog? The shooter apparently told everyone he was going to do this through his blog. It's probably not a good idea to make try to make sense of this because it is s senseless thing.

Today I woke up and it was snowing. Around 10am and attempting to drive my truck I decided to cancel my doctor's appointment because I didn't think it would be safe to drive all the way to Dakota Dunes in the snow. My appointment is scheduled for next Thursday. I am hoping the doctor will let me out of the brace at least part time and will prescribe some other pain killers for night time. This last week without pain meds has been fairly well, painful, and he wasn't willing to prescribe anymore till I had my appointment. Maybe I'll just have to call a local doc to see if I can get something because again, tonight, my hip hurts terribly. Not my back but my hip. OUCH.

I have a meeting tomorrow in the afternoon that I have to go to so I will have to figure out how to get the truck out of the backyard because that is where I parked it. The ice on the front porch and driveway was too dangerous for me to deal with this week and I had no ice melt because I was buying skulls shoes last week. I figured I at least had a shot of not falling if I parked in the back of the house. We had around four inches of snow so I hope my truck can handle that. Last time the truck got stuck I had to pay $50 to get it towed out. I would like to avoid that.

I also need to turn on the ringer to my phone. I missed several phone calls today because I had it turned off. I have no clue when I did that. Sometimes I think I had a brain injury instead of a spinal one.

I walking through the library today a bit after 3PM. I call the library the laptop and coffee shack because I think that's why many students go there is because of the laptop availability and there's easy accessibility to snacks. Anyways, students were looking up from their laptops and their phones talking to one another. Normally students are fairly silent this time of year, studying or writing papers. There was a high pitched hum of conversation. Then there were people at the check out desk asking to have the large television by the coffee shop turned to Omaha television stations. As the desk clerk desperately tried to find the Omaha Stations she flipped by CNN and there was an exterior shot of the WestRoads Mall.  At that time they were reporting that there was one wounded person but that there might be more wounded or dead as more information was made available. They said they were taking the video from KETV in Omaha which is owned by Hearst-Argyle. The Omaha World Herald website was down for most the afternoon and I couldn't get on it.

One of my first thoughts was of someone I know that works at a store in the mall. I was hoping they weren't at work today. I found out they weren't because of their Facebook status. I was thinking about how dependent we are on technology for our interpersonal relationships as well as informational needs.

My second thought was that the Omaha media was working overtime today because Bush had been at an event earlier in the day at the OneWorld Community Health Centers a clinic located in South Omaha. The purpose of the visit was to highlight how centers like this were vital to providing health care for the uninsured. The story was buried and Bush got no love because of what happened at  the WestRoads Mall.

My third thought was I always went shopping there when I dated Rudy. It was  five minutes away from that mall. I liked that mall because it had an Old Navy and a Torrid. I had spent a great deal of time in there involved in retail therapy.

 I kept walking through campus because I had more errands to run. As I walked I heard snippets of conversation "It's on the front news page of Yahoo!". "My little sister isn't answering her phone and she works at Old Navy" "What the hell?"

When I got home I tried the OWH page and got nothing. I turned on the TV to find that all three of the Omaha stations were live. There was all sorts of speculation going on about the alleged shooter. There were interviews with people who were obviously terrified. The stations had reporters stationed outside of the home where the alleged shooter had been staying. Another station had a 'friend' of the alleged shooter on the phone who described the alleged shooter as a quiet nice person who might have been a bit suicidal and had some family issues because they didn't live with their family.

 One station even had the woman Debora who took the alleged shooter into her home because he was having 'issues' she looked upset. She detailed that he had been fired from his job at McDonald's earlier in the day and that she had spoken to him about that. She had told him to come home and talk it over with her. She told him they could work it out. He was despondent on the phone and told he was sorry for being such a burden.

The Omaha Media Watch Blog had a comprehensive critique of all of the Omaha station's coverage. When the OWH finally came back up the last line of this story upset me. I hope that the link to the original story is still good because the last line of the story mentions this has been the deadliest day in Nebraska's history since the day of Charles Starkweather. I realize that Charles Starkweather is part of  Nebraska culture but he didn't take an assault rifle into a mall around Christmas time. That crime although it changed the way many people looked at Nebraska doesn't have much in common with this one other than the teenaged angst behind it. Starkweather killed several people in their homes over a period of time. The state was in terror while he was out there.

There was no mention of the USBank robbery that occurred in Norfolk in 2002. That tragedy had five victims and had more in common because the crime was committed in a public retail space but that's about it. I think that comparing these crimes is pointless because they have nothing to do with one another. It also shows the media in general is so quick to compare.

There was also no mention of the other mall shootings that have occurred this year in Salt Lake City (five dead in February),  Kansas City (three dead in April) and I believe that there a recent one in Texas.

Anderson Cooper of CNN has been using clichés and telling folks 'Bloodshed at the Mall...a place that's impossible to secure but a place that all Americans will go" Their graphic reads "Terror at the Mall". CNN did have a reporter in Omaha covering President Bush's visit so they were able to get the satellite coverage going fairly quickly. CNN also had cell phone pictures and video of people being evacuated from their "I-Reporters".

There was some discussion of this incident on the Omaha! forums but not as many comments as the recent Bo Pelini hiring.

I wonder what the heck happened that we are consistently dealing with the carnage of unhappy teenage boys who have access to weapons? How many more of them are out there feeling this way? How many more of them will act out their violent fantasies? Is there some way we can, as a society help them? Is there something we can do for all of these unloved, troubled people? Obviously anti depressants aren't working. I think about this as the mother of a teenager. I think about this because I live and interact with a community of 18-24 year olds. I wonder what signs am I supposed to read? When do I take people to the counseling center? How do I handle a student who seems depressed or upset. I have thought about these things quite a bit since the Virgina Tech shootings. I went to a webinar about what to look for and how to handle it.  I'm still not sure what my personal responsibility should be as a classroom instructor. I am fortunate enough to know my students well but I am still frightened by the power an upset young person can wield over society.

This is such a shame because Nebraska is supposed to be a safe place to live. I am not sure I have any deep thoughts about it. I also think why the hell do they still let people buy assault rifles? All I can do is prayer for the families and hope that everyone I know is safe.

Skull Shoes

I feel like an old lady because the ice around my house has made me a virtually prisoner. While I was happily buying shoes with skulls on them and groceries on Friday I forgot to buy ice melt. I didn't realize that this would be my last opportunity to purchase it. I thought oh, I can go to the farm store in my small home town and get some. Everybody including the grocery store was out. My alternative to ice melt was softener salt which was too heavy for me to consider.

Over the weekend, winter came in like the bitch she is, coating everything with a pretty shiny musical layer of ice that is dangerous for people like me who are still struggling with regular everyday walking. Unless I buy some cramp-ons like the ones they use to climb Everest I am not sure I will get out of here till the spring.

 
I have had some luck exiting the back door of my house and walking across the grass to the less icy alley. I should have parked the truck right next to my back porch but I think that is now illegal. I think we have to park on concrete at all times.

 I wonder if there will ever be a time when I don't feel afraid of walking outside? I hate that my back broke. I hate that half of my spine is gone and has been replaced with two rods and eighteen screws. I am just a hater today.

Controversial radio talk show host Don Imus is back on 13 ABC stations owned by Citidel Communications as well as the RFD Network. He has two black co-hosts and seems to be repentant about his actions last spring. I am not sure if this is just a way for the aging shock jock to revive his career or if he realizes the consequences of his actions. His former employer, Emmis Broadcasting bought out his contract for 20 million and he did receive some sort of buy out from MSNBC so I don't it's money that Don Imus wants. I think he craves the public eye and wants a platform to continue his charity work. The man has been on the radio since early sixties so at this point it might be a little tough to give up the mic. We will see how he fares in this smaller media perch.

He still has his major advertisers and sold out The Town Hall in NY for his first appearance since the controversial commentary that got him in trouble last spring.  The proceeds from the show are going to Imus ranch which provides care and experiences for kids with cancer.

The name Don Imus brings back memories of my childhood. When I was a little girl I remember sitting in my dad's truck or car going between jobs or babysitters we would sing along to The Right Reverend Billy Sol Hargis's songs. Imus was on WNBC in NY, one of the most powerful AM stations on the east coast. Imus's morning show was filled with fictional characters that made fun of actual people or in the case of Bill Sol Hargis it was sort of loving comic send up to the radio preachers of Imus's youth.

I remember Imus getting kicked off the air because of his alcoholism and cocaine addiction which lead to  the rise of a new kind of shock jock, Howard Stern. Stern and Imus shared the airwaves at WNBC in NY for three years. Imus became nationally syndicated in 1993 so people could hear him all across the country. His sort of radio programming faired well in the South and Midwest. I was living in Nebraska by then. I don't know if it was rehab or age but Imus had turned into somewhat of a political pundit with high powered politicians, sports figures, authors, and media people as guests on his show. He was also on MSNBC so his infiltration of all markets that could receive either cable or satellite signals was complete.

Imus got into trouble last spring when he was discussing the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team with his producer Bernard McGuirk. Imus and McGuirk had a denigrating conversation about the women on the team that made reference to a musical number called "Straight and Nappy" that was featured in the Spike Lee movie School Daze and not in a good way. "Straight and Nappy" refers to how Afro American women do their hair. "Nappy" refers to women who keep their hair in a natural state or  afro-like styling. 'Straight' refers to Afro American women who chemically straighten their hair. Chemical straightening can be an expensive and long process so it isn't available to everyone.

Imus made a statement comparing the women of the Rutgers team to the women of the Tenessee team. He felt the Rutgers women looked rough with their tattoos and afros. McGuirk then refered to the Rutgers women as 'some hardcore ho's" then Imus called them "nappy headed hos"  If you want to hear the full audio of Imus and McGuirk's discussion check it out on YouTube.

This lead to a national outcry calling for the Emmis Broadcast company and MSNBC to dump Imus's show. Imus's contract was terminated after he met with the team personally and appeared on Al Sharpton's radio show because Imus had lost many of his main advertisers.  I felt both companies were justified in their handling of the incident.

I still wonder how Imus will fare in this conservative time. Will he continue to speak freely or self censor?  Free speech and the First Amendment have been under fire since 9/11. People who are politically incorrect tend to have their right to say what they want taken away or censored. Even the formally Opie and Anthony Show called "The Virus",  which is carried on XM  Satellite Radio was briefly suspended earlier this year for a sketch involving a homeless man. XM because it is a paid satellite service isn't subject to the rules of the Federal Communication Commission. This incident is indicative of the type of environment that entertainers and broadcasters are facing today.