It's very hot in the workplace. I wish I was the sort of person who could wear shorts and flipflops to the workplace. At least for the after hours portion of my servitude.
My computer is still at the nerd spa and I have no idea when it will be returning to its usual position below my dusty messy desk.
I am worried about my students. I am not sure every one will finish their assignments in time for the taping next week.
I am not sure why I am so worried. Shouldn't the students be worried.
Other than that I have several doctor's visits coming up after the school year is done.
I am hoping I can keep the promise to myself that I will not work this summer except on my own personal development which could mean I just walk my dog and read books.....
Because I feel like I am about to melt into a pool of sweaty worried ooze.....I will leave you a picture of my date at the dump.
I yelled at students today. I snapped at students today. I read people the riot act. Now it is up to them to do their homework. Quite a few people started doing their work after my whiny requests.
I am tired of people thinking I don’t give homework or people don’t learn anything in my classes. I am just tired. Can you tell?
There are too many things still left to do in the semester. There are too many things to do at home before my kid comes home from the dorm. I don’t know what he will do this summer but I hope it will be fairly quiet while I am sleeping.
I need an attitude adjustment. I need to divide my journaling into two categories media teaching and professor pain. I do write somewhere else about other things so this might be the way to go.
If I bend too much I hurt. If I sit too long I hurt. If I
lift a tripod I hurt. How am I supposed to be conducting business as usual when
I still hurt every hour of very day? What is up with the annoying pains in my
lower back and hip? The lower back pain is new and could be because I am
starting to pick up more things than I used to.
Apparently there is a whining/complaining diet. I need to go on that
diet as well as ones for food and finances. No more whining or
complaining. I feel like someone who needs the assistance of a bad
tabloid television show.
I want to come home and sit still tomorrow.
Sitting still is very therapeutic. Being quiet can be healing.
I need to work on my sleep. You would think with all of the physical activity I would be sleeping just fine. I think it’s because my dog keeps barking when the neighbors come home or the wind kicks up the trees outside of the living room window.
There are too many incidental problems in my life with other people. I think about some of these issues at night. Probably I shouldn’t do that. I am still puzzled at how humans hurt each other. Why do we do this? What do we get out of being cruel to one another? Why can’t we be more careful with one another? Sometimes people just want to talk about one another becuase they are curious but sometimes curiosity turns to cruelty. Why are people like this? Why can't we leave people alone? Why do people make it harder on themselves by living in a fantasy world? Reality is harsh and humans are fragile beings.
Oh well….my bed awaits with a large puppy taking up most of the space.
Spring is here with warm tornado like winds. I am not so much for the wind but I am enjoying the 60 degree temperatures. Of course most of the students have spring fever so my attendance levels aren't great. I was particularly perturbed on Monday, which was a beautiful day that I could have spent riding around in a convertible, dealing with people who were absent because they were playing golf. This happened in all three classes.
The semester is all over but the shouting and I need to keep my Broadcast J people in line and working. I am not sure how all this will turn out. My speech people are doing as expected. The Mass Comm folks continue to politely listen to me and are working on their projects. The Video folks should make it if they work hard next week during their class time.
We won some Golden Leafs.....three awards out of eight entries. I should be happy about this but I am disappointed I didn't spend more of my spring break working on getting some entries together from the spring 07 semester. I have to be gentle with myself because my students and I didn't have the fall to work on things.
Other than that I am tired from traveling around on weekends. I am behind on the laundry. My computer has a virus I can't get rid of. The usual deritus of life. I am trying to walk every day..... hoping to build up to some actual working out by the time I am done with school. I climb the stairs as often as I can during the day which leaves me breathless but I feel like it might be helping.
There are things I need to write, papers I need to grade and laundry I need to fold. There are also things I need to think about. Big and little things.
I need to think about that my ortho neuro doc said that I have graduated from his service and I need to move onto the migraine guy. That's good news for my back injury but I am still puzzled by the pain in my hip. It might always be there. I wonder how I will deal with that being a forever kind of pain. He also liked my hair.
I need to graduate from the onocology service. That's a four year process....it's hard to believe I am almost at one year...in July.
I feel pretty good most days but some days I am in pain. Saturday I almost in tears because I tripped on something and then I hurt my hip getting into a tub. I am so clumsy.
There are things I want, there are things I need, there are some things I need to let go. Too many things.
I have to make sure that I don't work this summer so I can address all of the things and get healthy. The time to be happy is now. Be healthy is part of that. Being healthy means not working and worrying.
Oh well...time to stop my very random ramble. I need to fold some laundry and go to sleep.
The whole weekend was just weird. I read, day dreamed, and spent alot of my time at the sci fi convention up at the workplace. I guess I need to explain....every
year my workplace hosts a science fiction conference. This year one of
the guests was a guy who worked as an assistant director for a sci fi
show with a huge fan base. He also made some of his own films. It was
fun to listen to him and watch his films. It was cool to bounce ideas
off of him.
One of his comments to me was...."You seem to be the brains of the operation....so why aren't you making your own film?" He also told me I was very resourceful.
I know my dream of getting a film in a regional festival
or even into SXSW is still a possibility despite all of the challenges
I would have. I am just not sure I'll have the energy or drive to do
it. This isn't the first time someone has told me believe in me. The
question is...why does everyone think I am worth believing in when it
comes to this sort of thing. Why don't I believe in myself?
Handing over the stuff for him to watch was mentally and physically exhausting. I don't know why. I think I just had a hard week physically because I put in a couple of ten hour days in a row. I have to remember that I can't do that anymore no matter how far behind I am at work.
I have other thoughts and things but I best keep them private or file them away.
I was also a little lonely this weekend but that's okay. Sometimes I need to be that way to remind me of the love I have in my life.
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